As you all know, I don t have a cell phone. You ve all heard my reasons, brain cancer, no need to always be available, or just plain cheapness you decide.

I, do however, have some questions for those of you who do have mobile phones. Why is it whenever you answer the phone, you immediately state your location?

I m in the mall.
I m in a cab.
I m walking down Wilshire.
I m in the ladies room.

Those of us there with you know where you are. Everyone on the street knows where you are. It would probably be simpler to wear a GPS navigation device so we could just tune into your location.

When you answer your cells at home, do you answer, I m in the bedroom, or I m in the loo?

Also, why do you call on your cell phones from home? There s nothing worse than having a conversation when you know the caller s at home but they keep cutting out when the walk to the kitchen or cross their living rooms.

Again, why are you on the phone in your car? I know, I know, several of you have tried to convince me your jobs are so important or sensitive that you need to be reached night and day including when you drive.

I think that unless you re head of national security, president of the United States, or have access to the nuclear button there s no emergency that needs you to answer the phone in the lavatory. I think you can safely get through a meal without answering the phone.

I think the greatest pet peeve really is that many of you go out to dinner with us or go to the movies with us then spend all of your time on the phone with someone else. I m not looking for your undivided attention but being on the listening end of dozens of one sided conversations is really no fun.

Oh, and don t worry about me. If I have an emergency, or get lost, or get in a car accident I ll just borrow your phone.

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