Pro Anna

I’ve always been insanely jealous of anorexic girls.  I am enamored at their level of control.  Especially since I was never able to exercise that control over my own eating.  I’ve always eaten whatever I want.  And until I was 26 that worked out just fine.

When my time in between crap jobs became longer and longer — I just had more time to eat.

I have often heard that being obese is only the flip side of having and eating disorder.  (You’ll notice when you get skinny by not eating or barfing your guts out you have an eating disorder.  But when you can’t turn down that dessert — you’re just fat).  But, I digress.

So now that I’ve had to control my calories — I can easily see where one can slip into the world of eating disorders.  Being on a diet has made me just as obsessed with food as I ever was.    My whole life has become what I am to eat and when.  How many calories it has.  How much fat.  How much cholesterol.  Counting, Miss Dietitian said, increase accountability.  Counting, I say, just increases obsessiveness.

Not only do I still read all the restaurant reviews — then not go to the restaurants — but I’ve become and obsessive label reader and food note taker as well.

Four or five times a day, I log on to the computer, and I count every calorie.  Every gram of everything.  Not only do I abhor artificial sweeteners and high fructose corn syrup like I used to — now I’m obsessing over sodium and fiber.  I’ve switched from Grape Nuts to Raisin Bran and then to Fiber One following my low calorie fiber obsession.

Not to mention running everywhere I go and parking blocks from my destination to get more walking in.  So if I dip over to the dark side — you can’t say you weren’t warned.

~ by foleydog on June 14, 2006.